Uncovering Gold

I’ve been toying with the idea of sharing this deep piece of writing with you. Vulnerability certainly does come with risk (sometimes at a cost). However, the emotional exposure is meant to be used as a tool to connect and guide whomever needs to hear it. I’m going to carry on with this intentionality in mind. 

As I continue to dive into my own personal healing, I have uncovered the sad truth of being sold a lie my entire life. A lie I bought and allowed it to manifest its way deep within the structure and characteristics of myself. It was a part of my identity for a vast amount of time. When you suffer at the hands of trauma (physical, emotional, spiritual), overcoming these barriers feels like swimming in the middle of the ocean with no means to an end. It’s tiresome and often lonely, while the journey seems unclear and painfully long. Yet, it’s during these moments you find the most clarity and gain its beautiful introspection. It’s where you start to learn about a strength fighting its way forward, and a heart knowing it deserves more than what it’s been given. 

My service for others determined my worth. Lie.

I grew up as a “people pleaser” and figured out how to build connections by offering myself the only way I knew how, through acts of service. The difference being, my worth and value as a woman was attached to this notion. I felt completely worthless after I poured heart and soul into people and found myself getting burned at the hands of misaligned perspectives. Countless years of trying to pivot and try again, deducting more worth as I went. After a while, I didn’t view myself as being deserving of love. The thought of this brings sadness to my heart now. What a fallacy this proves to be.

The truth is, the only one determining your worth is you. Not a person, or a gesture, or a societal norm (marriage, kids and everything in between). It is not measured by how sacrificial you are, yet it is an internal self-perception of uncovering the gold; what is the motive of your heart? Think of your top five values and embody them, let them become who you are at the centre. Love, trustworthiness, dependability, compassion and loyalty are some of mine. I hold myself accountable to these characteristics and ensure I build relationships with these as the foundation. Reciprocity is expected and honoured. 

Above all else, trust in knowing that your worth is immeasurable. 

By Lauren Pacheco